How has triethlon training and racing impacted on your personal relationships?

Yep, completely get the enthusiasm bit Mon.

I don't expect my husband to be enthusiastic about what I do in my spare time, I expect him to get the fact that I NEED that time and I need to feel passionate about it.

I would be delighted if he decided to take something up that he felt the same way as I feel about running about....... But he is his own person and we rub along fine

The only time my training for whatever impacts on our relationship is when I hurt myself doing it because he knows how stubborn I can be and how easily I can slip into a depression when I can't train.

That said, we don't have kids. I suspect it would be very different if we did.

Triathlon definately impacted on my personal relationship last night when I came home blotto from my tri club annual dinner and awards night out.

VT'd wrote (see)

Triathlon definately impacted on my personal relationship last night when I came home blotto from my tri club annual dinner and awards night out.

This thread seems to have sparked on and off forum discussion about the topic.

I see part of it as making definite choices, remembering why you made those choices at certain points of your life and living with those choices.

And I agree with Mon that passion is a great aspect of human nature (generally) and if you're not passionate there's no point.

For me, however fast my body can race (or not at any given time), if my head's not in it, it's not going to happen.

Which essentially boils down to knowing what makes you tick as an individual.

Agreed KK, I have had a number of obsessions over the years- Poetry, direct action, church, Crewe Alexandra, boxing, running and more recently triathlon, once I couldn't dedicate the level of enthusiasm and commitment for whatever reason, I'm afraid I didn't want to know. However each phase left a mark on me and my views and outlook have been shaped by my various obsessions. I just can't help but admire people with dedication to their chosen calling. I love the way Mark Cavendish or Ellen MacArthur talk about their sport, the same way I love to hear someone at University talk about their research, or the way my builder talks about the construction of our new garage, it's the dedication and attention to detail I like.

Monique wrote (see)

Agreed KK, I have had a number of obsessions over the years- Poetry, direct action, church, Crewe Alexandra, boxing, running and more recently triathlon, once I couldn't dedicate the level of enthusiasm and commitment for whatever reason, I'm afraid I didn't want to know. However each phase left a mark on me and my views and outlook have been shaped by my various obsessions. I just can't help but admire people with dedication to their chosen calling. I love the way Mark Cavendish or Ellen MacArthur talk about their sport, the same way I love to hear someone at University talk about their research, or the way my builder talks about the construction of our new garage, it's the dedication and attention to detail I like.

I think if someone can make you interested in their 'thing' then that is a conveyance of passion, and like you I love to listen to people with passion and see that in what they do.

I also think there's a fine line between passion and obsession and once that line is crossed, obsession can be a sliding scale to the detriment of other things.

I've got a history of 'losing' it in sports that I've done competitively and leaving them completely. Gymnastics was the first and I stunningly bombed out in 2 key competitions.

Kayaking ended when I shit myself at a weir with a huge stopper wave at the bottom (not literally I might add)

And hockey ended when I found myself in a national league game way out of my depth.

Here's a thought. Going into the Olympics I've been thinking about the incredible pressure on athletes just to qualify, the rhythmic gym team didn't make it, all the swimmers have got to swim for their places and nothing is guaranteed because we have a very strong swim contingent so some of our Beiging swimmers will be left out.

That's just taking it to a whole different level, if I had the talent to be there I don't think I'd have the mind to cope with that. I really feel for them.

The olympics has to be the ultimate and that comes with the ultimate pressure to perform, I never had that dream when I was young but in my dotage would dearly love to turn back time nad give it everything regardless of whether i suceeded. However I also know I didn't have the drive when I was young.

Like others I have had several obsessions over the years, Cricket, Squash, Kayaking, Golf, Scuba Diving, running and now Triathlon. The running / Tri bit has been going on for over 10 years now so I guess its here to stay. Everytime I have moved obsession or sport its been because I have either achieved my goals or realised that I'm not going to make the next step. I played Cricket and squash at county level as a junior but didn't have the ability to go on to the next level, I traversed just about every river worth kayaking in southern England and got bored, got my golf handicap down to 5 and couldn't get any further, dived in the Maldives, Egypy, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Australia and decided all fish look the same. Running and Tri offer the chance to race with teh very best, I'm happy here!

The life balance bit is tricky but by getting out early or late its possible to avoid the worse impacts on the family though I was away on my own racing this weekend but the family decided they would rather stay at home and not support dad, can't say i blame them

Dubai Dave wrote (see)

dived in the Maldives, Egypy, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Australia and decided all fish look the same.

Dubai Dave wrote (see)

The life balance bit is tricky but by getting out early or late its possible to avoid the worse impacts on the family though I was away on my own racing this weekend but the family

That's the key to it I think, but I am suffering from sleep deprivation as a result.  I got back from a 2hr 30 min ride on Sunday before anyone else was up.  When my daughter came downstairs and saw me in my bike gear she thought I was about to go to work but was very happy I wasn't.  A 5.45 alarm call has become the norm to get a session in before work and as I have a long commute anyhow I am never missed in the morning.  I don't do any training in the evenings after I get home from work (but will cycle home which only takes an extra 15mins rather than sitting in traffic in the car), and when I swim with the club on a Saturday morning my daughter is in the small pool getting her lesson anyhow.  The crunch will come when I need to get a 5hr bike ride in when I will be missed for a few hours, but I don't do too many of those anyhow!  

Mmmm, I wish I could say being on my 3rd marriage was nothing to do with sport but I would be lying, I think golf was cited in my last decree !

Anyway, I have changed my attitude over the last year or so in terms of the chilling attitude but I was aiming at qualification prior to that so it became a little more of an obsession, it still is, I don't think you can commit the time to do IM successfully if you aren't a little bit obsessed but there are a lot of compromises that can be made.

With a lovely 2 year old and supportive wife I find reasons sometimes not to go out and train when I am on family time but on the other hand I am also 'told' to go and train on other occasions as I am moody. The mood isn't blamed but the reason to go out takes on a different tack.

Over the last 7 years we have visited some wonderful places and met wonderful people doing IM and this is one of things that Kelly loves about what I do, however, if you don't have a partner that likes to be thrown into a mixed group to get on with others I can see how much harder than can make those types of trips. There hasn't been much mention of the pirate 'group' in the responses but for me thats one of the huge pluses over the years.

Planning holidays and trips and races and getting a buy in can work out really well in most cases, alternatively, the down side is that it can LOOK like its working well until your partner suddenly flips and you seem all surprised not to see it coming !

I think I have learned to read the 'yes's' that really mean 'don't f*cking dare' or the no's that really NO.

I am going for qualification again this year but I am lot more chilled and that helps in both ways, one, if I miss a session to be with family I don't blame the family, I blame myself for not getting out of bed earlier and two, it focus's the training and time management, both of which you need to have a successful relationship but didn't realise until they walked out !!!!

Oh dear, I'd thought I was doing OK, but now you've got me worrying about the "yes's" that mean "don't f*cking dare"...!

Ultra AJH, your post struck a chord with me. My husband is fairly supportive though occasionally he gets a bit fed up with me training every weekend. However there is a little part of me feels a bit resentful that he doesn't have something to fill his time with that he's passionate about. I pack my life to the gills with triathlon, music, theatre, sub aqua diving and I'm always on the go but I there is a little corner of my mind feels "If you got a hobby of your own you wouldn't feel that mine took up too much time." Yes, I'm a very selfish person and no we don't have kids as you might have guessed.

Do I dare start this.......

Obsessive..... err probably.  Ive just been looking for something to throw myself into / give me a reason / point / focus to the stuff I was doing anyway. 
It was kayaking, (I understand exactly what  you mean KK), but no car makes that a bit difficult....
I did some adventure racng, and ended up doing something every 4 weeks....... way too much / too expensive
Also doing up a couple of houses absorbed 5 years of time.......
No kids makes itt easier

So I fell into tri / IM and love it.

I now want to see how  good I can get......and see what a few years of consistent training can do.
The missus (says she) was totally supportive of that.  It means I am out for chunks of time on some evenings or half days on Sundays, about which I still end up feeling guilty about....
It gives her time for her OU course, and when she does not want me to train she says so, and I skip it........

Thats rare though

We also train together where possible, (ie swimming, a run to the pool, or start running the first 10 mins togther before splitting off... Riding is harder, but we often ride together for an hour then split.....

So I think she knows me better than I know myself.....

The only thing we (she) have issues with is the cost of race entries..... and oops..... the new bike
I get carried away - she is rational and stops me over committing

I think that there are cases when one partner launches themself obsessively into something that takes them away from the relationship (irrespective of what that something is), then it can be a denial of problems that exist in that relationship and a displacement activity.

I'm speaking generally of course and just turning all the thoughts around in my head. I think what I'm getting at is that IM and long endurance can be a strategy to fill a gap or to replace something that's missing, whether you're in a relationship or not.

It's all very normal and natural imho.

I'm just exploring the reasons why I really wanted to do ultra distance and now conversely, why I don't, or maybe think I don't.

Orca, yes exactly.

During our time together (I was 18 when we met) I have done a levels, a btec, a degree and a PhD all part time.

I have done 60 odd marathons, 2 IM and countless other tris.

He has patiently supported all of it but I really wish he would let me support him doing something. I just don't get that he can be happy without having something that he is working towards or trying to achieve.

We are so different to each other that I can only think it is that difference that has kept us together for 24 years

Ultra AJH wrote (see)

Orca, yes exactly. During our time together (I was 18 when we met) I have done a levels, a btec, a degree and a PhD all part time. I have done 60 odd marathons, 2 IM and countless other tris. He has patiently supported all of it but I really wish he would let me support him doing something. I just don't get that he can be happy without having something that he is working towards or trying to achieve. We are so different to each other that I can only think it is that difference that has kept us together for 24 years

I was just thinking that my marrige works because we're so different.

Darren cycles to and from work, goes to the gym etc, so he keeps fit but I wouldn't in any way say it's a passion for him, or a compulsion or something he feels he 'should' do.