How has triethlon training and racing impacted on your personal relationships?

1 to 20 of 77 messages
kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 16:48

This has come up in various guises before but I think it's a significant topic for those with partners who aren't interested and family commitments etc.

Also for the single, do you think it stops you meeting potential partners? Do you want a partner with the same interests (or at all?)

I always wonder, especially when we get into mega long distance if the spouse/partner cheering on the sidelines is really as happy as they try to show on the public side?

Thoughts?

And don't shoot me down in flames but I think that the journey on super long endurance has been started by some people because they are unhappy in their day to day life..

But obviously, that's only a percentage.

Anyone want to take this on?

kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 16:49
Triathlon even, I haven't invented a sport (yet)
The Silent Assassin    pirate
27/02/2012 at 16:58

doesn't really affect me as the Mrs loves the sport as much I do.

Jordy seems to enjoy the supporting bit as well

That said we can't train together as some one has to look after Jordy and we do make an effort every week to have some family time (yesterday we all went swimming, not training, messing about throwing a ball round the pool)

kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:14

For me Mr kk supported me fully through the first IM and training for that, the physical wasn't a problem, but my obsession with it was (to a certain degree).

But that came off and we had a great week in France.

The double I did by myself, really off the back of my fitness already, but it was different, I promised to keep the long training out of family time. 

Where we're at now is the same place really, it has to be a balance and I've got too much going on to disappear for countless weekends or put the training before other stuff. 

He will facilitate my love of running and *like* of tri but really I've chosen a busy life in other respects and that comes first.

But I had to come full circle to where I am now in my own stuff to accept that.

The good news is the kids love and are very much involved in all the organisation of races I'm facilitating and they come and help all the time. *positiverolemodelandlotsofcrispschocolateandjuicebribaryisntdead*

VT'd    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:38

OK, I'll go first, and hope I make sense

I think that too many personal releationships are not on firm grounding to begin, perhaps because one or both partners are needy, or neither partners are particularly compatable to begin with.  I'm sure my own persoanl relationship falls into the latter.

I currently train 6 days a week perhaps 14 hours in total, she studies at Uni and buries her head in books.  I agree, that doesn't really sound too extreme, but I'd like to put that into some perspective.

I served on a RN warship for 22 years with no family contact for months on end except for the odd mail drop.  Weeks before I leaving on 9 month deployments I never slept and I often cried like a child for days after we sailed.  It always helped to cry, and after a few days I got over the separation settling into the task in front of me.  I have never been known for being a pussy, and I was not alone in shedding tears.

I left the RN and have been home for 10 years now.  During that time I never really looked back with any regret.  I now work a few weeks away from home per year, but nowhere near what it used to be.  In all this time I don't think my marriage has been proven to be rock solid,  in fact it's probably still as shakey and tenuous as it always has been.   

We don't spend a lot of time talking things through and I don't rationalise or analyse disagreements.   When one partner feels they own the right to emotionally dump on the other then things will unravel IMO.  The space to breath and to nurture one's own ambition is vital in any relationship and both partners should respect and encourage this.

My life and philosophy in a nutshell

Running Postie    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:48

doesn't really affect me as the OH is into tri as much as I am. We both drool over new kit and we keep the expenses down by sharing magazines and arrange holidays to include triathlons The kids on the other hand, don't mind the 'holidays' but get a bit fed up of being dragged along to local races/tri, so we try to make sure that they have thier time as well. Last year we spent a week at PGL and had a brilliant week, this year we are off to vittoria,Spain for the tri and are tagging on a week at center parcs in France for the kids. 

27/02/2012 at 17:48
that said SA - you've been through the mill like I and others have....

triathlon hasn't impacted on the relationship that Petal and I have as we both race, and are now both refs, but I will hold my hand up and say that my obsession with training for my 1st IM nearly broke us. I lost sight of the relationship we have as I was so utterly focused on IM - that was one hell of a wake up call when I found out how bad I'd got.

it's something I try to relay to all wannabee IM - don't ignore the partner you have, as you do so at your peril.

agreed SA???
kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:53
VT'd wrote (see)

OK, I'll go first, and hope I make sense

I think that too many personal releationships are not on firm grounding to begin, perhaps because one or both partners are needy, or neither partners are particularly compatable to begin with.  I'm sure my own persoanl relationship falls into the latter.

I currently train 6 days a week perhaps 14 hours in total, she studies at Uni and buries her head in books.  I agree, that doesn't really sound too extreme, but I'd like to put that into some perspective.

I served on a RN warship for 22 years with no family contact for months on end except for the odd mail drop.  Weeks before I leaving on 9 month deployments I never slept and I often cried like a child for days after we sailed.  It always helped to cry, and after a few days I got over the separation settling into the task in front of me.  I have never been known for being a pussy, and I was not alone in shedding tears.

I left the RN and have been home for 10 years now.  During that time I never really looked back with any regret.  I now work a few weeks away from home per year, but nowhere near what it used to be.  In all this time I don't think my marriage has been proven to be rock solid,  in fact it's probably still as shakey and tenuous as it always has been.   

We don't spend a lot of time talking things through and I don't rationalise or analyse disagreements.   When one partner feels they own the right to emotionally dump on the other then things will unravel IMO.  The space to breath and to nurture one's own ambition is vital in any relationship and both partners should respect and encourage this.

My life and philosophy in a nutshell

Have you got kids?
seren nos    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:54
agree FB..but its the same with everything on life.from work, sport to watching the soaps........if you become obsessive about it then you risk trouble with you relationships......

but some people just swap one obsession for another so a partner might prefer an obsession with sport to one about drugs or alcohol or food ..........the lesser of two evils...........

it must become even worse when more than one obsession is present......

I'm lucky that I'm not an obsessive character
kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:57
fat buddha wrote (see)
that said SA - you've been through the mill like I and others have.... triathlon hasn't impacted on the relationship that Petal and I have as we both race, and are now both refs, but I will hold my hand up and say that my obsession with training for my 1st IM nearly broke us. I lost sight of the relationship we have as I was so utterly focused on IM - that was one hell of a wake up call when I found out how bad I'd got. it's something I try to relay to all wannabee IM - don't ignore the partner you have, as you do so at your peril. agreed SA???

That's where I got to; it wouldn't have broken us but AFTER Nice I found out how Darren felt really. Nothing to do with you guys and he had a fab week away, but that week was the only good bit for him, you get my drift.

27/02/2012 at 17:58
*cough* diet coke *cough*
kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:58
seren nos wrote (see)
agree FB..but its the same with everything on life.from work, sport to watching the soaps........if you become obsessive about it then you risk trouble with you relationships...... but some people just swap one obsession for another so a partner might prefer an obsession with sport to one about drugs or alcohol or food ..........the lesser of two evils........... it must become even worse when more than one obsession is present...... I'm lucky that I'm not an obsessive character
Says the soon to be double ironman who has put in miles recently
kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 17:59
ha ha.. cross post with Mouse!
VT'd    pirate
27/02/2012 at 18:08

Three kids KK. 

I didn't even get to know my now 26 years old first daughter, the one I cried rivers for.   My second daughter (24), an angel has remained very close to me despite me being away for eight out of her first eleven years. 

I have been at home for the most of my son's 19 years.

I agree with the points on obsessive characters, that would probably encompass me.  I am also very single minded, although I wouldn't think I was overly selfish.  That last sentence would also make me a hypocrite I believe.

kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 18:17
VT'd wrote (see)

Three kids KK. 

I didn't even get to know my now 26 years old first daughter, the one I cried rivers for.   My second daughter (24), an angel has remained very close to me despite me being away for eight out of her first eleven years. 

I have been at home for the most of my son's 19 years.

I agree with the points on obsessive characters, that would probably encompass me.  I am also very single minded, although I wouldn't think I was overly selfish.  That last sentence would also make me a hypocrite I believe.

It's such a weird thing though, I spent my teens, 20s being very successful in my career and travelling, partying... etc...

But deep down I knew it was all superficial and I yearned to settle down, not with the drunk charismatic money loaded emotionally deficit twats I was dating and hurting from... But someone a bit more NORMAL (there I said it).

Cue Darren.

seren nos    pirate
27/02/2012 at 18:18
Mouse...i will put my hand up to that one........

kk..although I am upping my cycling i am lowering my running and sometimes i wish i was obsessive as I easily convince myself that I need a couple of more rest days or rest weeks.....or that a 4 mile run is fine when I should be doing 20....i have to make myself go out most times

My Oh is a bit more obsessive than me and hates missing one of his 5 runs and even gets up at 5am on a saturday to get his long run done nice and early.
kittenkat    pirate
27/02/2012 at 18:27

seren, I do respect how you guys do that around your busy family life. D is active, every day he cycles to work and back generally and last night was interesting. I've been doing some few 'very pathetic' upper body weights and asked him if he could up those.

Out from the garage came his whole free weights range and he cleaned them and put together various combinations. The girls laughed and giggled and tried to lift (no chance).

But when they went to bed, he still can lift at 46 but still like me just is coming to terms with just not being 'quite' where you want to be.

27/02/2012 at 18:50

My wife hates triathlons and everything connected with it.. If i didn't have a turbo and running buggy there is no way i would still be married.

Mrs FF does not do sport but to be fair she does understand what i get out of it, she just has to remind me that sometimes i'm doing to much and need to give up a session or two. Does focus my training times and means i can't really junk mile train.

27/02/2012 at 19:02
I did sign up for an IronMan in 2006 but I found it all too much for me.  I had 3 young children at the time, worked and had a husband who worked long hours and so fitting it all in was a problem for me as I had no other support,  At the start it did impact on our time together and in the end I decided that my family and my sanity were more important than an IM.  My husband is really supportive and comes to watch most of the things I do including the tris that I actually did.  Now that my children are much older I'm not really interested in ever doing an IM and I'm glad that I spent as much time with my kids as I did.
27/02/2012 at 20:30
I feel lucky because my fiance is very supportive of my passion for running. He even joins me for races sometimes or came to meet me at the finish line in the past, which I found really sweet. We occasionally run together, which is good bonding time, but because we are at quite different levels, we do not do it very often. In a way, I have infected him with the running bug, but he runs for different reasons, more for the weight control benefit. Either way, I feel that running has added a new dimension into our relationship, a new area we are discovering together and can talk about from time to time.
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