Is this a mad way to start?

No, it isn't about to change. I'm am so shit with numbers, I really do seem to have a mental block with them.

Aquathlon entries should be opening very soon, I have no time to smell my own farts at the moment.

Taking the girls swimming later, I haven't been swimming for ages!

If you 'can' live in the moment, you want to do it here.

The village shop is shut because the owner's daughter is getting married this weekend. My neighbour took Cole out on the farm this afternoon whilst we were out as a family swimming: Only to be told by someone (not our farmer) that she can't walk anywhere near the pheasants, because that might scare them out of the woods on the farm, and we need them in the woods for the beaters.

She's lived here 6 years, us 11 and at no time has anyone said that.

So we have pheasant gate going on; wouldn't you just love to have this problem where you live? Which is why I love this place. `My dog or neighbour' worrying the pheasants I'm sure won't distract from upper class country idiots trying to shoot them pissed.

Another 10 hour day today, D told me yesterday how amazed he was at how well I'd coped with going back to full on full time work after only working part time since the birth of the kids.

I didn't tell him how many bodies would soon be hidden under our patio (if we had a patio), ok, how many rather suspiciously large mole hills we would have.

Actually I get on really well with everyone I work with, always a bonus!

sounds like its time to start building that patio, I would advise you build it in stages though as you never know when you will need the extra 'storage space'.

Our flats are built on an old graveyard. We have a bit of garden area out back. I always think that when they find all the bodies they will assume they were already there

Our garden is small so if I start building a patio, I could only kill midgets, and I don't work with any.

ha ha AJH

Managed to leave work at 4 today, so came home and took Cole for a run, about 9.3 miles I think, in the friggin dark.

We are arranging for a dog sittter for Cole on Tuesdays now (well my neighbours coming in to check on him if we're not here) because...

It's pheasant shooting season on the farm and they shoot from the field opposite our kitchen window, the gunshot scare him shitless; he puts himself in the corner and visibly shakes.

Gundog he aint. Wussbag, just as well he can run or we'd eat him.

I think my nightmare last night has just given me a supermarket phobia.

How the hell does my subconscious think up this shit? I want to turn off dream mode please.

Come play.

So, 4 weeks into my new job. Returning to full time work is such a sea change, but I think many parents will identify with me on this one. Basically when we decided to have kids (11 years ago now as Ella is 10), we knew that one of us would have to be the primary carer. D said he was happy to do it as I earned more than him and had a greater potential of moving quickly up my chosen career ladder.

And then the baby came and he didn't want to be anywhere near the shit and the puke, and who can blame him? Babies are stressful and boring and we've never been motivated by money. Luckily I had huge maternal instincts and bathed myself in the shit, puke and sleep deprivation (poetic licence people).

Darren found a new love for full time work, especially at the 'toddler AND baby in the house' point. For those of you at it, it does get better and you do learn to fuck undetected in the early morning when you get your energy and libido back.

I've always worked part time since having the kids and as regular readers will know, we've been through a lot of financial crap (of our own making but stressful nevertheless). The kids are missing all the time with me because they are super cuddly when I am around at the moment. But I have bitten the bullet and the time does seem right and I can get back to being Kate and not just E and J's mum.

Plus D has always said that I need something to stretch my mind to stop me getting into trouble.

I'm knackered though.

Good on you KK. The life / kids balance is the hardest thing. Or maybe the remorse when it isnt balanced is the hardest.

I am missing the time with them to be honest, but they keep assuring me they're good and happy.

Hi Katrina,

It's all a juggling act, we live in an affluent area of Devon but no way could afford all the extras that some can.

So the typical week looks like this... School has a breakfast club so I usually drop the kids off at school at 7.55 and drive straight into work (which isn't close, 35 mins drive on a good day 1 hour 20 on a bad one!). We have 2 neighbours who will take it in turns to pick the kids up when my husband can't, basically we live in a converted barn on a farm in the middle of nowhere, there are 10 conversions and the farmhouse so we do have neighbours. We all know each other really well, they will babysit for free, in return I often invite them over to dinner and Darren is very handy and will fix stuff for them and decorate for them etc...Bloody hippy Devon families huh?

Darren works shifts so this means he has some time off in the week and will work some weekends, this helps enormously with the kids but the downside is that D and I pass like ships (ha ha I typed shit accidentaly) in the night.

As for training and running the house, I combine training with exercising the dog and usually run in the evenings or at silly o'clock in the morning. I'm not apprehensive of running on my own in the dark, I don't think you can live your life on 'what ifs'. As for the housework, good job I'm not house proud! That is last on my list of priorities.

One thing I have learned is that we have to be really organised as life is so busy now. We share Google calenders online and if it's not on the calender, it doesn't happen.

We are lucky that it's so safe where we live, I'm fine for my neighbour to get the kids from school and then go back to here house and leave the kids home here. There is always an adult around and the kids know who to go to if needed.

It's all tiring but I wouldn't swap my life for anyone else's, I do have a lot of blessings to count.

The other thing in the mix is that I get bouts of clinical depression, but I have strategies (good and bad, but getting better) to cope with that. After 41 years I recognise the signs.

Oh and I never iron anything ever, and I like the 'natural' look for our garden, and we are a spider friendly house by default.

To conteract the pace of life and implicit stress, we're actually planning nice things to do as a family, for example we're going to go to the Eden Project next weekend (can get in free through D's work). They have an ice rink there at the moment so the kids are really excited, and I love the Eden project.

We are also lucky that both sets of grandparents have offered to have the kids in the holidays, so we will take them up on that, they don't live close but it's always fun for the kids and helps us out.

There are positives too, I spend less time wasting time now, online or otherwise and I think just using my brain again in a positive way has woken it up. I'm reading more books and generally just managing any down time in a more positive way for us all.

I'm worried about fitting in the other things I do (race organisation, school governor stuff) and D wants me to give that all up. I'm going to see how it goes, I don't mind being busy but I need to recognise when enough is actually too much!

Also what I tend to do is batch cook, today I'll make a huge pasta dish and that will keep us going for a few days. I actually love cooking and find it relaxing as opposed to a chore.