differnt brands will have slightly different sizing methods depending on the bike's geometries. so a 60cm in one could mean a 58cm in another or a M/L in another - and at the end of the day, they're all approximate. unless you have a custom made frame that's built to your dimensions, it has to be a compromise. it does sound as if the bikes shops are offering you roughly similar frames for your build so fear not!
by playing around with things like stem length, saddle position, crank lengths, seatpost height, headset spacers you can get a fit that will be almost like a custom build. and your personal riding style will also vary those setups. a bike fitting will be worth paying for to get the set up tuned once you've bought the bike and done some riding on it to give the fitter some feedback.
and it's worth getting the right fit as a bad fit will just cause problems.
so your last paragraph makes definite sense