How to tell your friends and family that you are going to run a 100 miler!

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08/05/2012 at 20:55
The when will enough be enough issue is one I very much recognise along with the your disciplined enough to run ultras but can't be arsed to change a sodding lightbulb! As I push toward TR24 I can feel the tension grow however luckily I do know MRS S will be proud of my achievement, handbags are the currency of choice and usually help thaw the frost. MdS places open for 2014 soon though, now that really will test spousal harmony, time to find the Hermes brochure methinks.
08/05/2012 at 21:06

I'm still thinking that single is the way to go.... or find a sportswoman, doesn't have to be a runner, but someone who understands....

Any of the women on this thread? Oh no, I remember, you're all telling us how to get round your other halves!

08/05/2012 at 23:00

My hubby totally understood ... then kids came along ... daft thing is, for all the huffing and puffing he IS proud, and when I am having meltdowns about trying to fit training in and am threatening to not do the events, he's the first one to tell me not to be so stupid!!  When I am really getting stuck into training, there is always food on the table and the kids are all cared for but I'll be the first to admit the housework takes a definite dive beyond the immediate requirements, so I am always grateful once I reach taper/recovery time to try and catch up ... before the next one. Am planning to train as a pilates instructor come the autumn so not sure how I'll manage that along with everything else ... but somehow I WILL

09/05/2012 at 07:52

This is a tricky thread for me to read. I recently ran a PB marathon in preperation for my next Ultra. My PB was at the MOTN and I was the fatest finsher for my club. My PB does not count me as great marathon runner. But it was good enough to finish 13th in a big field. I am oalso over the moon with how I ran. This was my first ever road mararthon.

My wife is delighted for me, and as it was a local event it was the first time she has been able to come and support me at a run. She is now asking me just the question you are now discussing. What next? For me I have 2 more Ultras planned this year (My 100 miler is next year). So for me the next is to stick to what I promised at the begining of the year and only the events that had "approval".

I know  thart Alistair and I have discussed setting up some FatAss runs and these seem to go down better with my wife. When I say I am meeting up with a few friends to go running, it get less reaction to when I am entering a formal race.

I have no answers to this, just happy to share my perspective on what is a difficult subject for me,

09/05/2012 at 08:33

Tim you had a fabulous run the other day and should definitely feel proud of yourself. There IS no right answers to this kind of thing because everyone, and every family is different. What works in one case won't work in another. As with everything, it's about balance and keeping perspective of the bigger picture. I think we can all be guilty of losing sight of that at times (both the runner and the spouse be it husband or wife).

09/05/2012 at 10:37

I am not sure I will ever do a 100 miler, just seems like agony but may change my mind when I do a 50 miler then 100K. 

 

09/05/2012 at 14:38

i also said i'd never do a 100 but i think a short memory is essential for ultras and so i have signed up (i also remember saying i'd never do a marathon when i did my first 1/2 - hard to believe now).

I have to say its a difficult balance to get anything like the training hours needed for really long distance and spending as much time with the family as i'd like. I'm lucky that my wife (and 4 year old) have come along to most events, often to make a weekend away - i have to be grateful to them for flying up just for the Fling this year just to drive around all day, although we did get sunday in the hills all together. we did do quite a bit of mountaineering,mtb & running pre-children so my wife does understand why i go a bit crazy if i'm not outdoors. 

 

09/05/2012 at 18:48

Penguin I remember the second time I ran the Bristol half back in 2005, my previous race being the 2004 one. My thoughts crossing the line back then was "to run a marathon that means doing this all over again!!!!!".....................crazy was my reaction. 

Anyhoo did my first full marathon two years later. I love this addiction

09/05/2012 at 19:31

Well the drip drip drip approach of information as others have described worked well for me with the OH on the build up to doing 100m - to be fair the OH was already used to me saying 'Oh I'm just off out for a 5hr cycle ride' back when we first met and that was my bag, but still it is hard for the other halfs to understand your passion sometimes. I find short races tend to get the thumbs up more these days, like I can say I'll run this half and then we can go for a walk or lunch together. On the longer races that arent near home, it has to be - lets do this as a holiday - compromise so we both get the benefit.

I have gone out with people in the past who have said they were into all the long distance cycling and marathon running etc, then when it comes down to it, actually, they are not! They maybe ran a half when they were younger......but that is it!! Then you say, I'm going cycling for 50miles, do you want to come with me, and they dont!!

I feel lucky I am in a 6yr relationship and I can pretty much say - what do you think about this? and if the OH says 'fecking no way' then I will think of another race, its all about give and take at the end of the day, what we can afford, and being fair to them, ie they get a holiday out of it if I am running down in England for instance.

Now....the parents  that is another issue - they totally do not understand why anyone would want to run this far - so I dont tell them untill I've finished , but you still get all the negative comments which can be quite downheartening, the distance thing blows their mind I think. My father used to cycle quite long distances, but seems unable to compute why anyone would want to run this? My mother is just concerned I will kill myself - usual parental dysfunctionalism!!!

10/05/2012 at 09:03

Well for me the parents bit just gets even worse. They are working in conjuction with my wife to remind that I both insane and too thin. They seem ok with distances up to marathon, but beyond that seems to make no sense.

 

10/05/2012 at 09:19

My husband reminded me a few months ago, while I was training for my first 50K, that about a year earlier I'd commented that I was going to stick with HMs because I didn't see how I'd fit in the training time for a full marathon... Now I've done my first 50K and my first marathon and I'm trainning for my first 50M (with a 30M on the way in July and there's a 30K in June which looks fun and then there's a 66-mile two-day in October which starts really locally so...) But basically he's supportive, thankfully - he's really pleased that I've found something to obsess about that isn't work! Also, we do have a couple of things we do together not including household chores - I think that's important.

My mother doesn't understand but thankfully that doesn't matter - I just grin and say that I enjoy it. My stepmother came and supported me at Manchester (marathon) and thought my achievement was fantastic!

10/05/2012 at 12:28

My parents are great, but then my dad got me into ultras really as he used to do Four Inns and London 50 etc back in the 60s, so they are always very supportive (probably dad more than mum). Mum is always trying to fatten me up, but then I guess that's only natural. Will be interesting to see how I will be with my kids. Mum and dad never expected to hear from me when I disappeared off to France for two weeks climbing and mountaineering, and did a good job of hiding any concerns when I started pushing my lead climbing - mum was more concerned about the state of my hands and nails from the all the climbing in the run up to my wedding!!! and that I'd insist on tripping down the aisle wearing my trainers or rock shoes under my dress!

Like you say Debra, I think if you are appearing to enjoy it, how can anyone complain?

10/05/2012 at 12:59

I'm still wondering when/if to tell the parents. My Dad is very supportive and checks out times, looks for pictures etc online, he's been to several 1/2s and one marathon. i think he would have really enjoyed the atmosphere at the fling, so as a tester he'll come along to the dukeries ultra. My mum is happy when events are over but just cant help coming out with worst case scenarios beforehand - like the fling ' if you want to drop out how do you do it' 'if you fall over and get injured how will you get out', so not the positive attitude of 'you're going well' even when i look like death that will be needed.

10/05/2012 at 13:51

Those are just the kind of things my mother comes out with , giving you the negative 'giving in' option, rather than saying something like 'I know it will be a hard race but I hope you have a good time'.

In the build up to the TP100 I said nothing to my parents, it was fairly easy as they live miles away, so I just got on with my training in peace. Its after the event I usually get all the 'OMG I dont know how you do that' and 'what if something had happened' guilt trips .

When that poor unfortunate young woman died the other week at the London Marathon, my mother took almost obscene pleasure in telling me how upset she had been and was thinking the same might happen to me when I'm running !!! I was actually quite offended by the appropriation of another families grief in order to have a go at me. Fundamentally though you cannot cure someone elses anxieties and paranoia, so I dont try, I just get on with doing what I want to do, the less they know about it the better - I'll just show them the medals when they visit . At least I know I can rely on the OH for support.

10/05/2012 at 17:48
My wife is really surportive. When i did my first ultra last year the L2B 56 miles she was the one that said to me "you'll want to do a 100 next" so it was no suprise when i entered the sdw100 this year. But my OH has just started her running journey now she's completed a few hm and now entered her first marathon (beahyhead) and has said that she WILL NEVER go any futher than that. I have said thats what we all said at some point maybe ill just remind her on the start line to her first 50 miler.
As for my freinds and family they think its some sort of mid life crisis they dont really understand how you can enjoy pushing yourself to the limit. My mates espeaically always say they would love to do hm but in the next breath have an excuss why they cant but they do take turns to crew for me.
10/05/2012 at 18:37

My hubby does keep saying to me 'I still can't believe your going to run 100 miles' shakes his head etc.  Ironically he won't even be in the country the wknd I do it as he's flying off to a nephews wedding in Cancun!!!!  My lovely sister who thinks I am completely nuts is undertaking childcare duties for the weekend and my parents have also done childcare for me too for various races ... so I guess that does count as supporting me in my 'ambitions', withdrawing childcare would be a surefire way of stopping me in my tracks!!

19/05/2012 at 15:30
It amazes me how many people manage to maintain relationships with long distance running! My relationship broke up and that was during a year when I only did 3 marathons! He didn't want to support me anymore and wasn't going to be there to push my wheelchair when I cripple myself apparently!!!

So now I have no one to rain me in in spending this year doing numerous marathons and a 50k and seriously comtemplating a 2 day event next spring maybe 30 miles each day and building up to 100 miles in the summer hopefully! I just want to see how far I can go
19/05/2012 at 19:42

Personally i'm getting fed up with the negative comments regarding my weight loss - i'm still 10st9lb, so it's not like i've faded away!!!

19/05/2012 at 20:09
I keep being told that Ive lost weight, I just reply not according to the scales!!!
19/05/2012 at 20:27

Ahhh, that's just toning then or muscle development - both are good things!

I've gone from 12st5lb to 10st9lb since January 2011, with my aim being 10st7lb, or a bit lower if I get there. I'm really chuffed about it - weighed myself this morning and it's my first time under 10st10 - and all I got was a frown and a dig about being skinny....

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