Need words of encouragement to help keep morale up.
I'm so hoping there are so many of you like me and that I'm not on my own. I have two kids (one aged 6 and one baby aged 14 months). I have always dreamt of running the London Marathon and this year I have bagged a place for the 2014 race. I work full time and work out 6 days a week. I work out in my lunch hour and I normally go for a run of a weekend (about an hour and sometimes a bit more). When I got into the marathon my husband was very unsupportive. He has never been into fitness like me but I was a fitness instructor when he met me, so I've not changed. I've had a word with him by saying I need his emotional support as I'm about to embark on an emotional challenging schedule and without his support, I can't do it. I think he got the message. He said he was concerned that the kids were going to be rejected, which they are not, it just means once a weekend, I will need to put in some more mileage. So that was my first hurdle and my second is sometimes I feel quite down that I'm training when I could be with the kids. Last Sunday I went for an eight mile run and I was to tired to play with my son. Of course I felt guilty for that and have ensured that every night after work we have done lego together. I know I'm going to achieve the London Marathon and that I'm not a quitter, I just need some positive feedback from other parents, who have also been in the same position. I've always exercised at weekends but I know this is going to be much more. I need some feedback that I can say to family when they comment that I'm trainnig when I would normally be with the kids. I have already said that I'm raising money for a good cause and that I am great example to my kids that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. I really want to full of positive thoughts and do not want these negative feelings to impinge on my training. I absolutely love to exercise as it keeps me sane. I just need to convince myself and the people around me, it's well worth the time and the guilt. Look forward to your sought after advice!
is your husband normally unsupportive and againgst what you do......
If not then maybe he is looking at it from an outside point of view and can see you are already struggling to cope with it all.......
the London marathon will be there for the next 25 years.your hubby and kids might not.
maybe he is at the end of what he can cope with balancing both of you working full time and the kids and can not genuininly cope with an extra share of the workload for you to do more training
its a partnership[.........
but if you think he's just being selfish and lazy and that you are confident that you have the energy and time to do it all then plan wisely......do not exercise every day of the week.cutback to just the running until after the marathon..go to bed early at 7 when the kids go to bed once a week to catch up etc.....
only you know your family and if this is really the right time for the marathon and if your family can cope with the extra pressures
seren nos wrote (see)
is your husband normally unsupportive and againgst what you do......
This was my first question as well. If he isnt - then maybe look at another reason behind it.
My second question was: do you need to work out 6 days a week? E.g. because you're a fitness instructor or could you replace your midday sessions with a run? For the weekend sessions - it might be worth considering running before your children/husband is up and then making sure that your recovery is good to ensure you have enough energy for the day ahead.
I dont have children so cannot comment about the amount of time they need from you or whether it makes a difference as they're so young.
Millsy's solution is the right one in the short term but towards the end of your training your longer runs will take more than an hour.
At that point you probably will need a combination of weekday runs and rest days (i.e. no lunchtime workout on the days you are not running) You'll still need to do your longest run at the weekend.
I don't know how fast you run or how long you intend your longest training run to be but you're probably looking at being out for a maximum of about 4 hours towards the end - that surely isn't going to be too hard to arrange over the course of a weekend? It certainly isn't going to lead to anything as dramatic as your kids rejecting you and, in fact, will probably have less impact on family life than a lot of other people's training schedules do.
i have 3 kids and my wife is supportive but probably thinks it takes over too much of my time (more so the races)
i would look to run when it doesnt affect your time with kids. i get up at 6 to get some miles in and im back before they have breakfast during the week or i will go at lunch. you might have to change your routine to help rather than just layer on more to your existing schedule.
if your 8 mile leaves you too tired for playing with your kids it was too fast. slow down the pace you have ages to the race. just get some base miles in for now.
also tell the kids they will see you on tv racing Mo or they will come and watch. They will be more excited than you think.
My wife is totally unsupportive, but has tolerated it. I don't race very often, (when I do I enter races months in advance) don't go to a club, both of which I would like to do, but we have a sort of agreement that means as long as my running doesn't get in the way of family life (we have one son) then it's OK - for that reason I am up and out between 4:30 and 5:30 most days or for shorter runs by 5:45 - I make sure that as tired as I am sometimes, I am never to tired to do family stuff, chores, shopping etc although I do get into trouble for falling alseep in the cinema!!! I suppose it is about getting the balance right - but by adopting this attitude I run everyday - so we are all happy.
Guilt can be very negative indeed, so try not to feel guilty.
Balance is crucial. Work/Family/Training/Partner
Is your husband unsupportive because he is worried you are taking on too much? Is he unsupportive because he already has a disproportionate amount of responsibility for the children? Is he actually entitled to say 'slow down' because he is up against it himself at the moment and needs your support?
Look again at whether London is the right marathon for you - it is positioned early in the calendar which therefore requires a commitment to winter training which can be difficult to fit into the shorter daylight hours. What about considering one of the Autumn marathons and allowing yourself the summer to prepare for it?
I ran my first Marathon at Bournemouth on the 6th Oct. I have 2 children aged 12 and 9 and I work 4 days a week. I don't think I could have managed the preparation when the children were the same ages as yours. I think trying to juggle it all would have kicked the fun out of it. Running for me has to be pleasurable and mustn't be another thing to stress about.
My husband was supportive but also works away in the week, so I understand how you have to fit in a run when you can.
Share your training programme with your partner, demonstrate where you can cover it and let him know when you need him to step up.
Looking at your schedule; what about lunchtime running since it is guilt free as isn't taking you from the children? Fast and short runs can be really important, look at all the internet articles about Tempo running and Interval Training. Consider, if you can, dropping some of the other workouts, or replace them with runs on your training plan. Give yourself a proper allocation of rest - it is vital if you want to avoid late stage injuries.
Also, that wiped out feeling that has left you too tired to play does go! My first 8 miler left me like a zombie on the couch for the rest of the day, just like you. But, following a run programme means that as the miles increase your recovery improves too. Check your diet - are you fuelling your runs properly?
I don't think your children will fell rejected, mine were immensely proud of me and enjoyed coming to cheer me on. Get everyone in the spirit by running in a couple of local 10k races so they can understand what you are endeavouring to do. Make 'GO MUM' banners for them to wave. Good luck with it all.
I don't understand if you are intending to keep on working out 6X a week PLUS following a marathon schedule. If yes, then this seems to much both from a you getting too tired point if view but also from a family time balance angle. Can't you just replace 3-4 of the workouts with runs and then this won't intrude on family time. The long run will probably have to be done at the weekend if you work FT but you can always do this early on a Sunday so it doesn't take up the whole day.
I did London this year and lots of people used to comment on how long the training must take. But it really doesn't need to take over, especially if you can time the runs early in the morning, during your lunch hour at work or in the evening when the kids have gone to bed. I think the trick is to get into a routine that works for everyone so that your OH can see that you still have plenty of time for the family. I used to come back from long runs on a Sunday and 2 of my 3 kids plus my OH would usually still be in bed!
i don't think a run of 8 miles should be leaving you tired all day. If it is, you are going too fast. I used to make a point of showing my family that I had lots of energy after my long runs by planning activities and long walks for later in the day! I think it's actually better for recovery to keep moving anyway, just need to make sure you refuel after long runs so you are not left feeling exhausted for the rest of the day.
Your setting yourself up for dissapointment. Go spend your money on a Gym with a creche. You need to have the time to train for a marathon and you clearly don't. W hat's the rush? Comeback to it when the kids are older and you have more time.
She does though Sussex, in fact, as Cougs says she's in a better position than some and will have better base fitness - it's more of a time management thing.
its like everything with young children.......its a balancing act......and sometimes you just need a bit of advise to help you find where your own balancing point is.......
Gosh, that was negative Sussex. I do go to the gym, Monday to Friday. I don't need a creche, because the baby is at nursery when I'm training. I will always want to run the London Marathon, I will always have to work full time, I will always have two kids but I may not have this opportunity again and the only thing that will change over time, is that I will get older! I'm 42. If I don't do it now, I probably never will. Everyone has really helped me on this site. I'm going to run home from work, get up earlier on a weekend and train when the kids are in bed. I'm no superwoman, but I'm sure as hell going to give it my best shot. If I leave it till the kids are older, I will have regrets. Not sure what's worst, the feeling or guilt or the feeling of regret. Last night I asked my son how he's going to cheer me on and he really made me laugh. All this emotional turmoil is in my head, not his. It's only a few months of training on a Saturday or Sunday, that will cut slightly into my weekend. I know my kids won't look back and think I was a bad mummy because I trained and completed the London Marathon. I'm going to make them proud, aswell as all my family. Thank you for your response though.
Pipski - dont focus on one response - look at the other suggestions and try to take something from it. A lot of us deal with unsupportive partners/time management issues and theres a lot of good suggestions on here.
Good luck with it Pipski.
I don't try to be positive or negative but say what I feel. If your response is " yes I can" then thats very good. You need to make it work. I just think you made a very long list of problems that will take a lot of getting over. Depends on your target. You could probably enjoy the carnival, walk most of the way and still finish in the middle of the field and be happy with the result. Sometimes I like to balance the argument and ask pertinent questions.
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