oh poor M. and you too. J had the pox when E was just 4 weeks old. he was really poorly with it. E and I ended up in hospital when he had it as it was when her reflux started to get really bad. we were kept in isolation in case she was incubating it. she didn't get it then and we don't really know if she's had it or not. she had a few spots when she was about 2 but i wasn't sure if they were pox or just yucky mozzie bites.
to top it all, my bank account has been defrauded to the tune of 5000 quid. well, they tried. but rather unsurprisingly, there wasn't 5000 quid in there. so now i have no debit card, no cash, no on-line banking. they even managed to change my contact details with my bank. god knows how. i have no idea how it has happened. the call with the bank was surreal. " did you spend £11 in poundland?" yes. "£6 in clintons?" yes. "£1 with capital one and then £990 and then £4300?". err no. just what i need.
caro - that's interesting. i had all sorts of therapy for my eating disorder in my late teens. in the end i just decided i wanted to get better because they had told me that unless i reached 8st, they wouldn't let me go to university. and i wanted to go, so i got better. but i don't think i really dealt with stuff - i just decided i wanted to move on and i did. and i think ever since then, when i've had depressive episodes, i've just eventually decided i have to do something about it. like when i was so depressed when i was with T, i moved out. now i'm depressed again, and i feel like it's my job, so i want a new job. but i never really deal with all the stuff so that i don't end up spiralling down into this self-hatred thing. and you're right - it's absolute self-loathing. i hate being inside my own skin and just can't work out how to get out of it.
and i had CBT through my private medical insurance back in 2008. that didn't seem to make much of a difference either. but it does mean i wouldn't be able to go private because i have already had a private referral.
i can caro. my friend waited for 4 months to see the NHS counsellor at our gp practice and she sounds utterly useless tbh. that is why i am loathe to do it really. i have done so much talking about all of the things that contribute to my depression. i don't need to do any more. i need to find a way of moving on from it all. i understand why i feel like i do but i don't know what to do about it. so i don't think the NHS sessions would really help.