A visit to the gp will be done. One thing that scared me in the past about going down the divorce route was how cool, cold and rational my wife can sound to people who don't know what is going on. One of my friends asked her why she was treating me so badly and at the end of the conversation she was shocked at how cold etc she was. I feel stronger now and will do what I can for my kids as it has gone on for too long.
Thank you all again for your comments, much appreciated. Helvetica Bold - thank you for this and as RicF said it is a brave post. I have been / am completely under the thumb as well (coward as RicF said) but I have seen the light (sounds cheesy but unless you have been in this situation you dont know how the manipulation etc preys on you and makes you believe) and I need to fight for proper access and time with my kids, I don't want them growing up thinking that was is happening is correct. When my wife is out of sight my kids talk to me and we have fun, I always make sure I smile and tell them I love them, when she returns the fear returns and they withdraw. I am going to fight to give them longer memories that they can cherish, it will not be easy but I need to do it.
Thanks everyone - I put my hands up to being a total coward, I cant look at myself in the mirror sometimes because of what I have "let" happen. Self centred bully is probably a very close description but there seems to be a lot of signs of narcissm as well. I have stood up to her and things have happened that indicate to me she has no empathy at all - not to me anyway - Christmas day was interesting, I took the dog out in the morning as usual, she did tell me to take him out a little earlier than I usual do but thought nothing of it, I came back and she and the kids had opened pretty much all the presents without me, I tried to get close to helping open the last few and she literally blocked me out, I didnt want to cause a scene but was upset - this was because I had gone against her wishes on xmas eve. There are other cases where I have tried to stand up to her (trying not to be a coward) but I know the kick back can be worse.
Have a good weekend and thanks for the frank exchange, much appreciated and has given me the kick I needed / deserve.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I put this post on so you invite all comments. I do have a lot to answer for in terms of being too passive and letting things progress in the quest for a quiet life, the issue i have is that I have now stood up to the "bully" and it hasnt made things easier or much different, in a way she has closed ranks even more and the kids are under her protection. She tells me I play a good victim, I am not looking for sympathy etc. but no one deserves to be told off for smiling at their 6 year old daughter who looked absolutely beautiful going to school and 2 mins before that my 7 year old stopped talking to me as he was scared of what mummy would say. It still brings a tear to my eye and I only wish I could have some normality but it is not easy. Thanks for all the comments / advice.