Neither u or N need to feel this tremendous guilt CM. Ur relationship was clearly never going to work with T and N had nothing to do with that. N's marriage was not a happy one and that was not ur doing either. I totally get his 'kids' anger and loyalty to their Mum, as a child whose father left for someone else I have bn there. But I grew up and realised it wasn't my Stepmum's doing. If they can't accept that they r being immature. (I was 19 when I grew up and realised, it wasn't something that came with the wisdom of Middle age) U both deserve to b happy.
CM I lol at ur summary of the 4-7-8 technique as that's exactly what I did too
I have a yoga DVD called Barbara Currie's Power of yoga, I had the video yrs ago and it started to go all wonky (as videos do)and I couldn't get it anywhere on DVD. So bought a different one by same woman. Hated it & only used it a few times. Checked again last wk & got it on DVD Woohoo! Was only ??6.48 inc delivery.
You have every right to cry CM, cry for that little girl who should hav bn scooped up and given a big hug and loved unconditionally. Then resolve to do everything u can to love that girl and make her better. U have managed to find within urself a loving Mum who has done so many loving and wonderful things for her kids. U CAN do the same for yourself. Every human being deserves to b loved and nurtured. And it's a shameful indictment on our world that they r not.
My lovely running buddy also suffers from flare ups of arthritis type symptoms when she is stressed and working too much. The body can only take so much punishment and it will force u to slow dwn & rest if it has to.