I win and lose depending on how stressed I am. I am 50 and have had it since I was about 12-13. I can go months without having any problems with it, and then I will get stressed and it will flare up for a few months. I think it gets milder in a way, in that I am fine living with it now, but the pattern of thinking remains in the background even if you don't believe it.
Running made a massive difference in that I can't do the purging bit so much if I want to run, several bad experiences have proved this to me. And over the years running (which I started to lose weight) has become more important to me that what I weigh or look like. I find if I am unable to run then it is time to go and ask the Dr for some help with depression and anxiety. Which came first (the bulimia, the depression/anxiety, the crap self-esteem) I don't know; but there are times when they all feed each other, and there are times when I forget them completely.
I sort of compare it to a long run or marathon, what you feel now isn't what you will feel later. Good luck, you sound brave.
Hope the break goes well, you can't have good weeks with everything!
It must be difficult for your wife, I think from the perspective of the ed we feel we lie to protect others from the vileness of it all, and because lying is such a huge part of it. As long as she realises it isn't her fault, it isn't your fault, it is just a thing that exists. I never worked out how to do it, told one partner, who was baffled/horrified, never tried telling the others, couldn't face the surveillance! I think when you love someone with any problem you want to make it better, and trying to make an eating disorder better can sometimes just exacerbate it.
I am sure you are a fabulous dad, many ed people are perfectionists and only recognise where they mess up, not where they succeed.
G.G. definately with you on the writing, you can pour out a lot of really toxic stuff without hurting people (as long as you do burn it!
Good luck, it is never as bad as you think,once you have said the words. Some doctors are more receptive than others, so don't be discouraged if this one doesn't get you. Sometimes I find it helps to write it on a piece of paper and hand it over. It is quite easy (if you are a chicken like me) to get to the point and then decide that actually you have earache, so a piece of paper proffered with a shaky hand can be more reliable.
Well done! Hang on to those thoughts. The trick is to learn to control without being controlled I think, which is easy to type and pretty damn difficult to do.
Thank you DS, I am glad I wasn't going too far, Difficult to tell sometimes, you can only see things from inside your own head a lot of the time. I am glad you came out the other side, well done. It is finding someone who you click with that helps doesn''t it.? My CPN got me to laugh at what I was doing to myself, a difficult balance, but from a certain perspective a lot of bulimic behaviour does have a farcical side. It helps you get away from the shame and the secrecy if you can find a bit of humour in something. Again sorry if that is a step too far, it worked for me; may not for anyone else.