Posted: 23/01/2015 at 09:53
I think today is going to be quite a difficult day. I'm in Letchworth at the moment, and we're going into London shortly to go to Steph's house to meet the Family Liaison Officer. Then we're going into the site where the accident happened as some of the family want to lay flowers; personally, I don't feel I need to do this, but I want to be there for people too.
It's a bit of a nightmare as the police have recommended that we release a statement about Steph, basically to try and stop the press making stuff up about her. I had this a bit with Claire; when it went into the local news, there were some errors about the details, which really angered me at the time. Steph's case is arguably worse as a) it's London and b) it's a cycling-related death, so there are some comments on cycling forums about general road safety and lorry drivers etc. Also, we've been warned that there are media at the scene expecting family to turn up but the FLO is going to try and say to the media that we don't want to comment. Unbelievable situation really.
Anyway, after all that, we're all coming back to Suzy's to have a proper sit down with the FLO and go through next steps.
Last night I was here with Linda, Suzy and Dave (Suzy's husband) and we got to talking about possible funeral arrangements, and what to do with Steph. I was expecting to have an awkward question asked of me, but I hadn't worked out how best to answer it. Basically, Linda asked if Steph could be laid to rest with Claire and Jay. It's a very difficult scenario, because there is space for three in the plot, but I want to keep the last space for me. However, I suppose it's not guaranteed that I'll use the space should I eventually go on to meet someone else. Anyway, I said all this and it was all fine, but it's part of many difficult discussions. What I said is that I'll see if we can get Steph her own plot near Claire and Jay, but I did say that I thought that would be unlikely as she wasn't from the area and I thought therefore that she wouldn't be allowed in.
At this stage there are lots of difficult decisions and discussions It's strange though as I feel I'm taking it all in my stride. It's obviously different for Steve, Linda and Suzy, but for me nothing could get any worse than Claire. I loved Steph to bits, but it's almost like I'm thinking "I've handled worse than this, so I can do this again" and I haven't got upset once. It's very odd and difficult to explain, but I'm not in shock or anything; I know what has happened, but I'm just dealing with it. I can't explain it really.
I'm hoping to get out for a run here in Letchworth tomorrow AM, before driving back late morning tomorrow. I did do a run yesterday before driving up here, but it was just 4-mles due to time. It was nice to stretch the legs though.