Posted: 27/09/2010 at 16:45
OK it's a bit tricky to write because I've got a cat curled up on my lap, but I'll give it a go!
Until 6 months ago I was a regular runner for about 5 years. I loved it - did a marathon and a couple of HMs, and ran for at least half an hour 4-5 days a week. I wasn't the fastest, but I was in great shape and felt really good about myself.
For some reason I fell out of the habit in early spring. I can even remember the turning point - I was down to run the Newham 10k in early March, but I couldn't drag myself out of bed. I just couldn't be bothered. It didn't hold any appeal for me any more.
Since then I've done a brief (5k-ish), reluctant run maybe five times. I've lost muscle but gained at least half a stone, which on my tiny frame (4'10") feels and looks like a lot.
Some days I wake up thinking "this is it, I'm going to run" - but when I put on my running kit, I look so unlike my old runner-self that I can't face going outside. I wobble and I hate it. I'm also so scared that if I do try to run, I'll struggle to keep going for more than 10 minutes. That would kill my confidence once and for all
What's more, I've been eating more than ever, partly for comfort. So my lack of fitness is just getting worse and worse.
How did this happen? I'm disgusted with myself and wish that I could have the fit old me back.
I'm moving house soon, from East London to the south coast, and I hope that the change will kick me into touch. I have GOT to start running again and eating less. I don't know what's happened to me, and I'm scared that it's just going to continue.
OK that's all... I need to get out for a walk. Forgive my whiney self-indulgence. I hope that someone out there can relate. Thanks in anticipation!