Posted: 03/12/2012 at 01:00
Something happened to me in 2010 which rocked me completely. I'm married but fell deeply & desperately in love with a lad I work with.
We are best of friends & text each other almost every day, often in the early hours as we're both night owls. We work together several times a week. He loves me to bits & shows the most exceptional emotions to me, I love him so deeply it hurts, it really does, but he could never love me back in the way I so desperately need him too. I'd marry him if I ever had the chance.
He's 29 years younger than I am.
I have cried my heart up to him twice in the two years we've known each other, once literally on his shoulder & the other via mobile, telling him I love him deeply as a friend, work mates, my own flesh & blood (I love him like a younger brother) & he has totally accepted it & often hugs me & shows other physical emotions like holding my hand & gently stroking it, but I can't ever tell him my TRUE feelings . I'd lose him forever. That would kill me.
I'm in tears each day, each night for life now, & running & walking alone beats things out of me.
Because I can't tell him exactly how I feel I can't channel those feelings & emotions, they have nowhere to run too so it builds up & has me in tears.
I rely on my running/walking for miles at a time to get me through it, alone, early hours, I can cry my heart up while thinking of him in ways I shouldn't.
We don't find love, it finds us, & it squiggles beautifully around inside us but love can also be seriously cruel & torturous at times ...