Posted: 11/11/2015 at 20:41
Tonight I ran a tough 5 mile loop. Not the longest run i'll have but it begins with a decent climb along a country lane. I had my new head torch on and wondered what i'd do should the battery run out?
Would I knock on a door and ask for a lift back to the rugby club? What if the person answering the door was some lonely nutter? Nobody would know where I was. It's at times like this, when pointless things pass through my mind, I realise I am slowing down. I carry on, reach the top of the climb, turn right and climb one hell of a hill. Despite pumping the arms and maintaining some sort of running form my current pace is 18-19 minutes per mile.
I tell myself not to stop, to keep going. Why? Because Mrs JR would NOT run this hill. She would stop, she would walk. If I keep going the next time we race, i'll win, again.
I start to think of the pain I see etched on the faces of top class runners when they put themselves through what looks like hell during a race. I'll never be top class, but I can beat anyone on my level because i'll put myself through more than they will. Then I wonder if i've taken the right turn? I'm in the middle of nowhere, I wonder whether I should have eaten mid-afternoon to fuel myself for this run.
I'm going downhill, fast (for me). If I was running with a group i'd keep going, so why do I want to stop on my own? I wonder how much longer i'll keep this running lark up. I'm never going to win anything, i'll never be fast. I could have a lie in every Sunday!
Once i'm in the second half of a run I start to relax. It's hard work but i'm going home. I start to pick my team for this Saturdays match (I coach a youth football team). I wonder if I should put my son on the wing. He's quick, very quick. He's like I was as a young player, but quicker, and better. He plays in goal but has a natural eye for goal. I wonder if i've spent too much on Christmas presents again this year. I wonder if my Gran will still be here by then. I haven't seen her for a little while and now my Grandad isn't here I wonder how much longer she'll keep going. I need to go and see her.
I wonder if i'll ever have the balls to retrain and get a career I actually enjoy. One I can get some satisfaction from. I wonder if it actually gets any better? The grass isn't always greener.
My quads are taking a real pounding downhill now. I feel like i'm flying but I know when it levels out at the bottom my legs will go dead and it'll require a big effort to keep going. I know Mrs J wouldn't push herself the way i'm pushing now. My throat is starting to burn entering the last half mile. My breathing is getting louder, it must sound like i'm dying. I hope the chicken wrap I left in the car is still a little warm. I can't wait to have something to eat, i'm starving. Then I think of those who really are starving, and all of a sudden my effort doesn't seem much of a deal. I round the last bend, nearly slip up on a large cow pat in the middle of the road, and i'm done.
I feel bloody brilliant and i'm definitely going to beat Mrs JR next time we race.