Latest posts by Nessie

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Jeremy Clarkson is sacked!

Posted: 30/03/2015 at 12:50

So the head of the BBC and his family have had death threats, and the chap who was assaulted (who didn't report it and who isn't pressing charges) is being abused on Twatter.

What a great country we live in...................

Mums Running Club

Posted: 27/03/2015 at 14:25


Mums Running Club

Posted: 27/03/2015 at 12:39

Ah poo - yes I'm afraid I'll be at work on the 2nd.

Glad my post has been useful - it took a bit out of me to write it all down: I've never done that before.  It did take me a long time to get to that level of acceptance, and occasionally I have a bit of a wobble, but mostly I'm content with things.

I was thinking about it last night, particularly about my feelings towards the "other man".  At the time I was besotted and would have gone to the ends of the earth and all that, but looking back, if we had got together I know I'd always have been looking over my shoulder, feeling people were judging me and thinking I had no right to be with him.  I'd also have felt guilty about being happy with him (assuming that I was, of course), and would never have been "free" to enjoy the relationship.  Guilt is very erosive, and I think a lot of relationships that start off in those circumstances do fail eventually.

D and I came into our relationship as free agents, so there was no furtiveness, no guilt over a hurt ex, no baggage (well, relatively little - at 35 and 40 there will always be some stuff from the past).  Despite my little rant a couple of weeks ago, our relationship is strong and has no skeletons, and we've both been through the mill enough to know what's important.

What is the most you would pay to enter an event?

Posted: 26/03/2015 at 17:05

It would depend on travel costs, although even if I lived in London, I'd not pay £50 for a 10k.  Local 10ks vary from £8 to £27 (non affiliated), so from the point of view of no travel costs, I'd happily pay that.

Marathon is £49, half I think about £35 - probably at the upper limit of what I'd pay, but you do get a lot for your money (tech t-shirt, nice medal, excellent goodybag etc). 

Mums Running Club

Posted: 26/03/2015 at 13:25

CM - I know exactly how you are feeling.  My first marriage ended because I had an affair.  The marriage wasn't great but it wasn't bad.  In truth, I married for the wrong reasons (alcoholic mother, escape to new town) and then realised I wanted more.  I was too scared to admit it (even to myself at the time) so took the cowards way out and had an affair and used that as the catalyst.  Other party was also married (with kids, I had none) and eventually stayed with them - thankfully as it turned out.

I've been through all the guilt, shame, should-have-worked-at-it, I'm horrible, feelings over the years (it was 20 years go this year - help I'm getting old!), and it took me a long time to be at peace with myself.

I have accepted that I did a Bad Thing in having the affair, something I frown upon in others, but I also recognise that it takes 2 to have an affair, so I no longer feel as guilty about the effect it had on the other family as I did (can't help feeling some guilt, even now, especially as my kids are now the same age as his were then). 

I know I made bad choices - I should have been honest about my feelings and either not got married in the first place or tried harder to make it work, or been honest with him about how I was feeling - but I didn't.  Making bad choices is something we all do, but when it's a biggie that affects others, it does cause shame.  I couldn't speak to anyone about the whole business for years because I felt so awful.

Tipping point came when I met an old school friend, and told her I was divorced.  "Someone else?" she asked.  When I said it was, she immediately started calling my ex all the names under the sun.  I was so ashamed that I didn't even correct her!  When I got home later I cried my eyes out.  Since then I have always tried to take ownership of my "wrongdoings".  I don't blame my ex for not being the person I wanted him to be, my mother for "forcing" me to get married because she was so awful to live with that I had to get away from her, or the other man for encouraging me to have an affair.  I did it.  I married my ex for the wrong reasons, and in hindsight did a good job of convincing myself that he was "the one".  I let the marriage sink to the point I really wanted out because I wasn't prepared to make the effort to change it to something good.  I embarked on an affair that I knew was wrong because it felt good, and we all like to feel good, don't we?

So in short, I was selfish - and that isn't something I like being.  But  I can't change the past, all I can do is try to be less selfish in the future.  It's mostly working.  I still have the odd flash of shame, but I remind myself that I have accepted what I did and that I won't do it again.

I can totally understand your feelings about N - he's a reminder of the whole awfulness of what has happened, and just being there is a barrier to you moving on.  I may be the only one to think that possibly you do need to go it alone, for your sake and for your kids - but that's just based on my experience and I don't know your whole story.

Whatever you decide, forgiving yourself isn't the key (IMO).  Recognising what you did (which when you break it down probably isn't as bad as the all-consuming shame would have you believe), rationalising some of the reasons for it (which in my case was selfishness) and making a pact with yourself not to do the bits of it that you hate the most ever, ever again, might help you move on.


Things you want to say but can't

Posted: 24/03/2015 at 15:48

So, on Friday you circulated a suggested date for a rescheduled meeting.  All of the replies I was copied in to suggested that the 14th was a promising date.  So today I come in to find a meeting request - for the 17th.


Things you want to say but can't

Posted: 17/03/2015 at 14:44
Screamapillar wrote (see)

Dear weather. It's supposed to be spring. Please can you look and feel a bit more like f*cking spring?

Thank you. 

Very springlike here today.  I apologise to the drivers I blinded with the whiteness of my legs.

Things you want to say but can't

Posted: 16/03/2015 at 16:30

That's marvellous.  F****** marvellous.

Sir Terry Pratchett

Posted: 16/03/2015 at 16:25

For any die-hard fans, Steeleye Span released an album last year called "Wintersmith" which is based on some of his books (and has his voice on some of the tracks).  Some of it is not to my taste, but the last track "We shall wear midnight" is brilliant, and particularly poignant.


Muttley - you'll do fine.  Just suspend any sense of reality and accept that there are some things you won't "get" until later.

My favourites are probably Soul Music, Pyramids, Small Gods, Feet of Clay and Mort.

I love the fact that someone has started a petition on to have him reinstated - with the tag line (a TP quote) "There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this."


Mums Running Club

Posted: 12/03/2015 at 00:27

Thanks EF.  I've sent you a friend request on FB (at least I hope it's you - there were quite a few people with the same name).  I'm Jeanne Boyd in case you wonder who is trying yo stalk you!

1 to 10 of 21,310

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