Posted: 02/12/2013 at 18:05
I'm in a fairly similar situation, my OH has depression and can be very unmotivated at times, and I get frustrated and angry. He sounds similar to your husband, in that he believes something bad will happen and then seems to start a cycle of self-destruct so it becomes inevitable.
He's not a morning person, and if I wasn't around he would stay up until the early hours of the morning and his body clock would get later and later.I am the opposite and like to get up early to run 2/3 times a week. I do the morning dog walk/run and also have two horses that need feeding and riding. In short, I have to get up in the morning as the animals are dependent on me.
When we first met I adopted his lifestyle of lethargy and late nights, but in the end found much more happiness in doing the things I enjoyed so took up running and horses again. I think it's important to do what makes you happy and you'll find that your positive frame of mind (and routine) will rub off on him, and he may end up wanting to join you in your activities, even if it's just a walk in the fresh air.
We have a much better balance now where I'll get on and do stuff and if he wants to sit about and do his own thing then that's fine. However, we book things in the diary such as day trips or nights out etc so we always have something upcoming to look forward to.
You could also try sharing out the chores at set times e.g. my OH always does the evening dog walk and horse feeds as I work late. That way, he has to get out and self-motivate even when he feels like hiding away at home. I've also found that lots of praise and thanks (not in a patronising way!) really helps to keep his mood up. This year he has just started his own business after years of being employed in a job that he disliked. I know the above sound a bit cheesey and as though I'm incredibly unsympathetic and bossy (maybe I am!) but it's what I found that worked for us!
Your husband is the only person who can fight his depression but you can help him by showing him a positive outlook, good routine and being there for him when he needs it!