The Accidental Runner


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Sub 3h15

Posted: 20/07/2015 at 09:46

Yes, a fabulous time indeed at the Coastal yesterday.  I would urge you, yes you, to give this race a whirl.  It's on the wrong side of the country and it took 5 hours to get home, but it was well worth the trip.  It starts and finishes on the beach and hugs the coastline for 13 very attractive miles.

I'm trying not to whine on about injuries these days, so I won't mention the twisted ankle which was getting on my nerves from about the halfway point.  As we re-joined the beach with 2 miles to go, I was just about to stop and walk in to the finish.  But then Poacher and Minni drew alongside, presenting me with a great opportunity to run in with two of the thread's big-hitters.

Amazing run by Minni, considering she'd had hip surgery so recently.  She seemed to know just about every runner at the finish line, so was greeted by an endless stream of hugs and kisses, leaving me feeling rather inadequate.  A state compounded when I was introduced to the unnecessarily handsome OO52, who had finished about half an hour before we limped over the line.

It was great to meet you all.  And thanks again to Poacher for the Bamburgh tip - we loved it and plan to be there again next year.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 10/07/2015 at 12:39

Yes, MsE - definitely keep moving.  Unless that makes it worse.  In which case, stop moving around, you loon.  You're making it worse.

KR - 24 hour solo run?  Ouch.  Are you sure that's entirely necessary?

Poacher - my dedicated support team will be on hand to drive me to the start line, collect me at the finish and then feign interest as I drone on about my coastal adventure.  As you can imagine, they're looking forward to it immensely.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 09/07/2015 at 15:52

We're now booked in at Bamburgh, Poacher, thanks.  I'll be happy if I manage to finish just half an hour behind 00.

What's going on in Gul world?  That sounds like proper training.  Do you have a race lined up, or are you monkeying around with hills just for the hell of it? 

Sub 3h15

Posted: 04/07/2015 at 12:17

Oh my.  That was quite something.  Well done, Slokey.  I did quite a lot of chuckling at your exchange with your wife before Scafell ("Almost finished. Just got to run up that mountain, then we can go home")  Was she pleased for you?

Tony Hunt - I tried one of the milder P&D schedules and it made me feel very unwell in the legs. 

Thank you Poacher for the Coastal resort tips.  I suspect that, even at conversational pace, you and Minni will be well ahead of me.  But I might see you at the end, if you hang around long enough.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 24/06/2015 at 16:49

Poacher - I had a similar operation about five years ago.  The procedure itself wasn't too much of a problem and I was walking around normally within a few days (and gentle jogging within a couple of weeks, I think).  I haven't really been able to test it properly since then, as I'm unable to sustain high mileage (due to a variety of low-lying injuries and old age).  But, if it's any consolation, I suspect that my old torn meniscus injury hasn't impacted too much on my general fitness.  A friend had an arthroscopy at around the same time and is currently running as well as ever.

It'd be a shame if you felt you had to give up completely.  We all have to adapt as we begin to slow down and gradually fall apart.  Initially, this can be rather unsettling.  Slokey and Blisters have turned to triathlon, while others have resorted to something called wava.  Personally, I like to jog alongside back markers during races, regaling them with tales of how, back in the day, I used to be almost average.

Does this mean you won't be at the Coastal Race next month?  I only popped in here to ask you, Minni & OO about lovely areas to stay (or unlovely ones to avoid).  We're going to make a weekend of it this time, which we've never done before.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 01/05/2015 at 08:54

     "it appears that you have been slipped a Mickey Finn in the dodgiest bar in Rio and  woken up with much to be ashamed of."

Not at all, Poacher.  I was proud to be stepping out with you on my arm.  Highlight of the day, in fact.

      I hope you are niggle free? 

I doubt I'll ever be niggle free, MsE.  But I've resolved not to whine about it on here all the live-long day.

Yikes.  A 9 miler already, Lorenzo?  It'll be several days before I run again.  Though I will be sweating through a Hot Yoga session tomorrow morning.  A yoga/pilates medley, played out in near-sauna conditions, for some reason.  It's all the rage, apparently.  And it'll hopefully help with the niggles I'm no longer mentioning.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 28/04/2015 at 10:51

That's lovely, Birch.  Must have been great to have your kids out supporting you.  Stunning progress from Race Jase and Jools over the past few years.  MsE being underwhelmed by her sub 3: What a crackpot.

I think I had almost stopped moaning about the Expo by the time Sunday rolled around.  The journey, the DLR, the horrific 'Ideal Home Exhibition' setting, the over-enthusiastic sales people and their endless guff about running....  Still, they did give me a free carrier bag full of leaflets, so that's alright then.  Anyway, as I said, I stopped moaning about all that ages ago. 

The start line was great.  A friend had bought me a disposable poncho.  I'd always wanted to wear one of those at the start of a race, but had dismissed the notion as being one lofty ambition too far.  I felt ace, standing at the start in my pinkish poncho, looking like a runner.  Looking like I knew what I was doing. 

Sadly, that feeling didn't last.  Somebody must have said '3,2,1, go,' as everyone started moving forwards.  And then we had to go and do a load of boring running stuff. 

Actually, it was quite good fun for a while.  I phoned my young niece from Tower Bridge.  I thought she might like to hear that wall of noise, but she didn't even pretend to be interested.  She was much more impressed when I showed her my medal.  "Course I won the race.  How do ya think I got this?"  

Eventually, it all became a bit of a nuisance, quite frankly.  The last three or four miles were particularly annoying.  I was desperate to stop but somehow managed to avoid doing so.  Which, I think you'll agree, makes me a bit of a tough guy hard nut. 

I crossed the line and felt decidedly wrong.  I wasn't sure which would happen first:  the instantaneous bowel release, the throwing up or the passing out.  While I was wondering which option I'd prefer, I bumped into a bloke with a bowl of fruit on his head.  Annoyingly, he looked as though he'd just been for a stroll in the park.   

It was great to see you, Poacher.  I couldn't make it to Chandos, as my friends had arranged to meet in a pub on the other side of the park.  In any case, I don't really deserve to mix with the folk on this thread.  In fact, I'm not fit to lace your drinks.

3:53 might sound dreadful.  Well let's not be coy, it is rather dreadful.  But it was only about a 5 minute positive split.  So at least it was uniformly dreadful from start to finish.  It seems a five week training schedule doesn't really work.  Who knew?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 22/04/2015 at 10:10

I'm liking the sound of Slokey's 25 miles per week.  How many runs did that comprise and what was your average long run each week?  Ridiculously impressive marathon result on the strength of that.

Nothing to worry about here.  Four full days until London, so plenty of time to complete the recommended five 20 milers and also to shift the half a stone of excess lard. 

Meanwhile, gentlemen, if you're spreading Ibuprofen gel or Deep Heat ointment onto an injured groin, then please be careful with your spreading motion.  Ibuprofen on your testicles will smart a bit and make your eyes water.  But Deep Heat on your testicles is a whole other world of pain, requiring ice baths and tearful phone calls to the emergency services.

Minni - I'll look out for you at mile 22 and will be grateful for any provisions you're able to offer.  But keep the Deep Heat to yourself, okay?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 06/11/2014 at 11:13

Deep joy.  I'm so glad I looked in here again.  Never mind the great marathons and reports from Moof, Jools, MsE et all, it was worth the visit just to hear about Birch's gym invite.  Seated aerobics indeed.

And how about that Irishman?  From racing in his wife's knickers, to sharing walnuts with innocent bystanders, to representing his country.  What a hoot.

Gul - How about 17 laps of the Cyclopark for the Kent Roadrunner marathon on 30th May?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 17/10/2014 at 12:59

Good luck, marathon runners.  I hope you and the road will be very happy together.

There's an empty hotel room, well placed for spectators ("our cancellation policy is 48 hours, not 24, you loser").  Let me know if you could use it.

Tricky business on the domestic front, PMJ.  I've always felt that the impressive runners aren't the quick ones (any eejit can run fast).  It's those who somehow smuggle their training through the cracks between the demands of partners, kids, jobs & lives etc. 

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