The Accidental Runner


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Sub 3h15

Posted: 01/05/2015 at 08:54

     "it appears that you have been slipped a Mickey Finn in the dodgiest bar in Rio and  woken up with much to be ashamed of."

Not at all, Poacher.  I was proud to be stepping out with you on my arm.  Highlight of the day, in fact.

      I hope you are niggle free? 

I doubt I'll ever be niggle free, MsE.  But I've resolved not to whine about it on here all the live-long day.

Yikes.  A 9 miler already, Lorenzo?  It'll be several days before I run again.  Though I will be sweating through a Hot Yoga session tomorrow morning.  A yoga/pilates medley, played out in near-sauna conditions, for some reason.  It's all the rage, apparently.  And it'll hopefully help with the niggles I'm no longer mentioning.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 28/04/2015 at 10:51

That's lovely, Birch.  Must have been great to have your kids out supporting you.  Stunning progress from Race Jase and Jools over the past few years.  MsE being underwhelmed by her sub 3: What a crackpot.

I think I had almost stopped moaning about the Expo by the time Sunday rolled around.  The journey, the DLR, the horrific 'Ideal Home Exhibition' setting, the over-enthusiastic sales people and their endless guff about running....  Still, they did give me a free carrier bag full of leaflets, so that's alright then.  Anyway, as I said, I stopped moaning about all that ages ago. 

The start line was great.  A friend had bought me a disposable poncho.  I'd always wanted to wear one of those at the start of a race, but had dismissed the notion as being one lofty ambition too far.  I felt ace, standing at the start in my pinkish poncho, looking like a runner.  Looking like I knew what I was doing. 

Sadly, that feeling didn't last.  Somebody must have said '3,2,1, go,' as everyone started moving forwards.  And then we had to go and do a load of boring running stuff. 

Actually, it was quite good fun for a while.  I phoned my young niece from Tower Bridge.  I thought she might like to hear that wall of noise, but she didn't even pretend to be interested.  She was much more impressed when I showed her my medal.  "Course I won the race.  How do ya think I got this?"  

Eventually, it all became a bit of a nuisance, quite frankly.  The last three or four miles were particularly annoying.  I was desperate to stop but somehow managed to avoid doing so.  Which, I think you'll agree, makes me a bit of a tough guy hard nut. 

I crossed the line and felt decidedly wrong.  I wasn't sure which would happen first:  the instantaneous bowel release, the throwing up or the passing out.  While I was wondering which option I'd prefer, I bumped into a bloke with a bowl of fruit on his head.  Annoyingly, he looked as though he'd just been for a stroll in the park.   

It was great to see you, Poacher.  I couldn't make it to Chandos, as my friends had arranged to meet in a pub on the other side of the park.  In any case, I don't really deserve to mix with the folk on this thread.  In fact, I'm not fit to lace your drinks.

3:53 might sound dreadful.  Well let's not be coy, it is rather dreadful.  But it was only about a 5 minute positive split.  So at least it was uniformly dreadful from start to finish.  It seems a five week training schedule doesn't really work.  Who knew?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 22/04/2015 at 10:10

I'm liking the sound of Slokey's 25 miles per week.  How many runs did that comprise and what was your average long run each week?  Ridiculously impressive marathon result on the strength of that.

Nothing to worry about here.  Four full days until London, so plenty of time to complete the recommended five 20 milers and also to shift the half a stone of excess lard. 

Meanwhile, gentlemen, if you're spreading Ibuprofen gel or Deep Heat ointment onto an injured groin, then please be careful with your spreading motion.  Ibuprofen on your testicles will smart a bit and make your eyes water.  But Deep Heat on your testicles is a whole other world of pain, requiring ice baths and tearful phone calls to the emergency services.

Minni - I'll look out for you at mile 22 and will be grateful for any provisions you're able to offer.  But keep the Deep Heat to yourself, okay?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 06/11/2014 at 11:13

Deep joy.  I'm so glad I looked in here again.  Never mind the great marathons and reports from Moof, Jools, MsE et all, it was worth the visit just to hear about Birch's gym invite.  Seated aerobics indeed.

And how about that Irishman?  From racing in his wife's knickers, to sharing walnuts with innocent bystanders, to representing his country.  What a hoot.

Gul - How about 17 laps of the Cyclopark for the Kent Roadrunner marathon on 30th May?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 17/10/2014 at 12:59

Good luck, marathon runners.  I hope you and the road will be very happy together.

There's an empty hotel room, well placed for spectators ("our cancellation policy is 48 hours, not 24, you loser").  Let me know if you could use it.

Tricky business on the domestic front, PMJ.  I've always felt that the impressive runners aren't the quick ones (any eejit can run fast).  It's those who somehow smuggle their training through the cracks between the demands of partners, kids, jobs & lives etc. 

Sub 3h15

Posted: 07/10/2014 at 10:47

What a swizz, Birch - Breaking the club age record, only to have your pal break it by a bigger margin.  I really enjoyed your report and I loved the team winning 3rd place, despite featuring two runners over 60.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 06/10/2014 at 09:18

Oh gawd help us, Minni.  If you get one of those silly tattoos of a company's logo, then..... well, something or other, that's for sure.

I had adopted the same approach for Abingdon, Fishy.  Until it transpired I'm even more infirm that I feared.

That marathon was a long time coming, Gul.  So it's understandable that you'd be a little over-eager in the early miles.  With a steadier start, you'd have been much closer to 3:15.  How much closer, do you think?  I'm with Mrs Gul on the watch suggestion, by the way.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 05/10/2014 at 12:52

Interesting to hear about your 3/4 days bike, 3/4 days run, Fishy.  I think that's the way to go for the elderly/infirm.  Glad to hear it worked out for you.

I'm sending healthy calf vibes your way, Moof.

Sub 3h15

Posted: 04/10/2014 at 10:28

Run well, gents.  Here's hoping for good times at Mablethorpe.

TR - Maybe no more marathons?  How come?

Sub 3h15

Posted: 02/10/2014 at 13:51

Minni - Congratulations on sustaining the grown-up motherly thing.  Sounds like you've done a great job.

Come on, MsE, keep up.  I stopped whining about my boring Achilles injury several hours ago.  I've now moved on to whining about my boring groin strain.  Annoyingly, I had convinced myself that I'd make it to the Abingdon start line this year.  What an eejit.

Gul & Birch - Sit down, put your feet up.  Don't make any sudden movements.  I'll pop round and put the kettle on.

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