. Still, this didn’t stop me resigning at 9am the next day.Why? you ask. I really can’t say. Suffice to say that I was sick of school, so I bunked off. It was the sort of madcap decision I might have made on a Friday afternoon with a skinful of good

incredulity: are you mad? Before I could reply, he raced off to indulge in a canine orgy of deviant sexuality that made the last days of Sodom seem like a damp weekend in Harrogate. For my part, I tripped on a root and jarred my neck. Then I was sick behind a

’were ’is next door neighbours, like. To make things worse, he were sick on their cat.”“Aye. He ran a crackin’ race next day though. Knocked three seconds of t’ Commonwealth 10,000m record, as I recall.”“Four, actually.”“Ah,” says the angel on my left